If Wishes Were Horses
by Mr. Monocle
Summary: A heartbroken Fenris storms into Skyhold, blind with pain and fury. All that is on his mind is revenge for Marian Hawke's death, and answers. Varric is just as heartbroken as Fenris, and when Fenris has Lavellan's heart grasped in his lyrium fists, Varric forces himself to awaken from his depressed state and the two find peace in grieving together.
1. Chapter 1

Thundering footsteps tore through the snow, making the cold substance fly away from the furious elf's strides. He was panting, on the verge of hyperventilation as he soldiered up the steep slopes that led to Skyhold. He could see the damned battlements in the distance, his markings flaring in response to his fury. He gripped the weathered note in his grasp harder, and sped up.


	2. Chapter 2

Varric drank deeply from the tankard once more, his stout body hunched over his scribbled writing. He stared blankly at the words on the parchment, then at the flames in the hearth in front of him. Today was a day he regretted his choice to have his quarters out in the main hall. His hand absent-mindedly scribbled away on the wrinkled parchment.

' _Hawke… Hawke… Hawke... '_

The static noise of the nobles and workers didn't phase him, his eyes were glazed over and his heart was numb. But his thoughts weren't only of Hawke, they were also about her elf, Fenris. He couldn't imagine how Fenris reacted to the letter that he had sent the man a week ago. If it had even reached him, Varric had to take an educated guess as to where the lyrium clad elf was. Varric didn't want, _couldn't_ imagine the strong warrior breaking down in tears. In some dark, guilty part of Varric, he hoped the letter had been lost in the dark recesses of Thedas.

The dwarf didn't flinch when the doors slammed open.

'_Alas, if wishes were horses.' _

He didn't lift his head as the furious glowing elf stormed through the main hall, scaring the nobles and roaring for the Inquisitor.

He didn't care.

He thought, in some way, that they deserved whatever fate Fenris brought down upon them.


	3. Chapter 3

The nobles scattered, squealing in fear at the sight of him. He didn't hesitate, they were simply pigs donned in fancy tablecloths for all he cared. His markings glowed, striking fear and confusion in the hearts of the residents of Skyhold, much to Fenris' delight. He marched down the hall toward the throne at the end where, who Fenris assumed was the Inquisitor, sat. The willowy Dalish scrambled up to draw his sword, as his administers drew their weapons and surrounded him in a protective human barrier.

Fenris quickly approached them and pulsed his markings, sending a shockwave of lyrium force at the pathetic inquisition party causing them to stumble back and fall to the cold stone floor. His markings still blazing, Fenris easily pulled the Dalish up by his scrawny neck.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why?"

He growled. It hurt to say, he wanted nothing more than to rip the Inquisitor's heart out like he did Varania's, but he needed answers. The Inquisitor struggled under Fenris' grasp, his eyes wild, searching behind Fenris for help.

"I-I don't," He gasped out

Fenris growled and slammed him against the back of the throne.

"You do know! Why! Why would you leave Hawke behind?!"

The Dalish's eyes lit up with recognition.

"I Didn't-"

Fenris roared and threw the smaller elf at the wall and drew his greatsword. He was blind with fury and didn't see the Commander come at him from behind bashing with his shield. Fenris stumbled and turned to face the Commander, who drew his sword.

"Cullen. So we meet again." Fenris sneered. "How could you ally yourself any longer with this man? You know Hawke. How could you continue to let her murderer walk free?" His voice started to raise to an awkward, almost hysteric pitch. Around them a few nobles gathered around fearfully, and one lonely dwarf sat hunched over his writings.

Cullen looked stricken. "Fenris, please! You're a good man, stand down!-"

"You have no right!" Fenris screamed. Spit flew from his mouth in tangible fury. His markings flared back to full force, causing Cullen to step back. Fenris turned back over to the elf cowering against the wall with a bloodied nose, and nursing his left wrist. He picked the Inquisitor back up making him cry out in pain.

"Tell me, Inquisitor." Said Inquisitor glared at Fenris with clear hatred. "Did you know her? Did you know Hawke?" Fenris rested his forehead against the smaller elf's, keeping eye contact.

"N-Not well, no but-" This made Fenris snarl

"B-But she was an amazing ally, s-she sacrificed-" Fenris' hand started glowing blue, and slipped down the Inquisitor's chest and gripped his heart. The Inquisitor cried out, his mouth gaping open and eyes rolling back in pain.

Behind Fenris more swords were drawn, and what sounded like the string of a bow. Fenris slowly turned his head back to look at the fools who dared interrupt him.


	5. Chapter 5

A woman with short hair slowly began to step toward him.

"Any closer, woman, and his heart will be but mush upon my boots." Fenris said calmly, threateningly.

The woman backed up.

"Sister Leliana, who is this?" Her accent was thick and deep. Sister Leliana didn't get to answer before Cullen sullenly explained.

"His name is Fenris. He's a warrior of extraordinary talents, ripping people's hearts out being one of them… He's also Hawke's lover." Silence fell over the main hall.

"Hawke..?" Cassandra pondered. Turning quickly she marched down the few steps that led to the throne. "Varric! We need you!"

"Cassandra…." Leliana whispered.

"It is time he awakens from his mourning, Leliana. Thedas could fall if he doesn't."


	6. Chapter 6

Fenris' heart stilled at the mention of Varric. He had forgotten about the dwarf in his grief ridden rampage. The hall was quiet, except for a slow moving sluggish set of footsteps making their way towards the Inquisition and Fenris. Finally Fenris saw him, and the pang of grief he felt was not for Hawke.

Varric looked barely a shadow of the man he once knew. His hair was long and free of constraints, his face stubbled, face sunken and clothes wrinkled as if worn for weeks on end. Guilt filled Fenris. Varric had loved Hawke as much as he himself does, if not more.

Varric tried to smile at Fenris, but it was merely a lifting of the flesh on his face.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Broody, c'mon. Is that anyway to treat someone you just met?" The dwarf weakly tried to joke much to Cassandra's disapproval.

"Varric… Varric please, please tell me you want this as much as I do." Fenris pleaded.

Varric avoided the eyes of everyone else, making eye contact with only Fenris.

"Listen, Broody. If… if wishes were horses… well, there'd be a lot of horses."

That made everyone stare at the dwarf, who refused to look at anyone but Fenris.

"Fenris… You don't want to do this. I know at the moment it's the only thing you can think of, but trust me…" Varric's stricken eyes looked deep into Fenris'. "Trust me, once you do it you won't be yourself anymore. Hawke…" He hesitated seeing Fenris flinch.

"Hawke sacrificed herself for the future of Thedas. She's not just the Champion anymore, Broody… She's a hero." Varric shamefully wiped the tears that were streaming down his face.

"No one knew that she was going to do what she did. We were seconds from freedom, with that hulking demon feet away from us. Stroud was supposed to stay behind, not Hawke, but as soon as my feet touched the ground Stroud was thrown out of the Fade and Hawke… Hawke was smiling her stupid grin and then she was gone." Varric's body shook from the effort of restraining his grief. Fenris was silent staring at the ground with his silver hair covering his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

He let go of the Inquisitor slowly and crumpled to his knees. He let his grief flood from his body in the form of heaving sobs. Varric sat next to him, finally letting the last of his grief free with Fenris. Onlookers watched with pity, and also awe. They had respected and admired Marian Hawke, hell, most of them worshipped her but none of them expected this scene of raw pain and passion that was caused by her absence.


	9. Chapter 9

Lavellan struggled weakly on the floor as his ambassadors surrounded him. He felt the guilt wash over him as he watched the dwarf and elf grieve together, and let himself be led to his room silently without looking back. Cullen ushered everyone out quietly, the nobles tittered small complaints but left nonetheless, and within a few minutes Varric and Fenris mourned together in peaceful silence.

'_If wishes were horses…' _


End file.
